On the other hand ...

On the same day as Mrs. Giggles' less-than-stellar review of Time Warp, my twisted tale of revenge gets a recommended read from Joyfully Reviewed! There is balance in my universe.

Tera says:

I loved Time Warp! I cannot stress enough how much I loved this book. Alessia did a great job with this one. And no, it’s not just because The Rocky Horror Picture Show is my favorite movie of all time. But sadly, I can’t say too awful much about the plot, or I’ll give the story away. And being blind going in to it and finding out what happens is what makes this a great read. The ending was phenomenal and I loved what Alex did. She’s a woman after my own heart. This one is definitely going on my “Read Again and Again” shelf!!

Aunty Giggles reviews "Time Warp"

Time Warp is not a paranormal shagfest inspired by too many bad Star Trek episodes and even more vodka, in case you're wondering. The title directly refers to the song from The Rocky Horror Picture Show that Daniel Gallagher was dancing to when Alex, our heroine, first met him seven years ago and indirectly a play on the fact that the first anniversary dinner is a blissful moment for the two of them while the current anniversary dinner, despite some deliberate similarities to that in the first year, is far from magical. Today, the marriage is over but Alex invites Dan for one special anniversary dinner. For old time's sake, of course. Hey, is that the theme song for that old TV series Alfred Hitchcock Presents playing in the background?

Time Warp is one of the first two stories that kick off Phaze's Fury line, which is a revenge-themed line of short stories. Talk about spoiling the fun a little because revenge isn't just best served cold, it's should be sprung on both the victim and the reader without advance notice. The fact that this story is published under the Fury imprint robs it of most of its suspense. At any rate, I'm not going to spoil this story any more than I probably have already, although you can probably guess by now that Alex is going to sic it real good on Dan.

I can actually see the twist at the end coming from a mile away but I must say, I do have a chuckle at the over-the-top crazy antics of Alex in this story. This story is really too short to offer anything more than a revenge fantasy, so it's not as if I can say much about it here. However, the storyline in Time Warp is very dependent on catching the reader by surprise due to its straightforward nature that leaves not much room for twists and other surprises. With Phaze putting out this story under its revenge fantasy imprint, half the pleasure from being surprised is already gone before the party has ever started.

Time Warp is a quick read that is easy to read and forget. However, if you want ideas on getting back at that ex-boyfriend or ex-husband, you can probably do worse than investing $2.00 on this story.

Rating: 56

Butterfly

I am thrilled to announce that my story, Butterfly, has received an honorable mention in Desdmona's Titillating Tattoo Story Contest! Click HERE to read it.

Yeah, baby! Yeah!

Two Releases Today!

ArtiFactual: Tales of the Erotique Mystique
ISBN 1-59426-908-4

Together in one volume, Phaze is proud to present the Tales of the Erotique Mystique. From the incredible writing team of Alessia Brio and Will Belegon comes a vivid collection of stories of passion, adventure, and exotic toys. ArtiFactual includes Phaze favorites "Erotique," "Switch" (a P&E Readers Poll Winner!), "Amichu," and a never-before-published novella, "Closing Arguments," in the continuing adventures of the playful and sexy couple, Amanda Long and Bruce Winfield.

Coming soon to print.

Length: Eclipse
Rating: Nova - 4 (includes scenes of violence and some F/F scenes)





Time Warp
ISBN 1-59426-522-4

A Phaze Fury/Umbra Release!

Dan doesn't appreciate Alex any longer, and Alex just does not appreciate Dan's infidelity. When cunning and creativity combine in a woman scorned, revenge turns criminally delicious. Who's really the guilty party in this twisted tale of torment?

Length: HeatSheet
Rating: Nova/Umbra - 5

You can also pick up these and my other titles at FictionWise

Sensual Reads Reviews "Time Warp"

"Time Warp," my Phaze Fury HeatSheet, and the first release in its new Umbra (dark) line, received 5 Roses from Crystal at Sensual Reads & Reviews:

Time Warp is a surprising and erotic story. Alessia Brio knows how to write a story about revenge. She has nailed this one perfectly. If I went through what Alex did, I would plan the same thing. This is a must read for everyone.

CTR Reviews "Time Warp"

Caro from Coffee Time Romance had this to say about my Phaze Fury HeatSheet "Time Warp" (which will be released on Sunday) ...

Ms Brio has written an illuminatingly dark tale of fury. Time Warp, as part of Phaze's new Umbra (dark) line, nurtures fantasy within all who have been betrayed by those once loved and trusted. This is not a romance; it is instead a tale amply showing that hell hath no fury... Sometimes, revenge is not best served cold! Sometimes, in our fantasies at least, revenge burns hotter than love ever did. Beware the sizzle of this erotic yet thought provoking tale.

A New Interview & A New (Free!) Story

The kids are off school this week for spring break, and it's putting a real damper on my focus for writing. Fortunately, I've lots of cover art assignments, promo for the upcoming releases of "Time Warp" and ArtiFactual, and preparations for the rapidly-approaching Romantic Times Convention to keep me busy while the little distractions are being... well, distracting.

Up today on The Blushing Ladies Journal is my interview by Gracie Passette: If Love Is Blind, What Are Romance and Arousal?

... and ...

Over at Oysters & Chocolate, you can read my sexy little vignette entitled Listen To Me in the April issue. And it's FREE! I love the artwork O&C posted with it, too >>>

Check 'em out! Then, lemme know your thoughts.

peace & passion,

~ Alessia

On my knees

Okay, I'm not too proud to beg for votes. *grin* Yours truly is nominated (for the second consecutive year) as Literotica's Most Influential Writer under my Lit-o-nym "impressive." I would be much obliged if you'd toss your vote my way. You must be registered with Literotica in order to vote, but it's free (and I promise you won't get any SPAM).

While you're there, be sure to give my partner some love, too! He has a character nominated as Sexiest Male Character in a Literotica Story.

RT Review of ArtiFactual

ARTIFACTUAL: TALES OF THE EROTIQUE MYSTIQUE
by Alessia Brio and Will Belegon

These four stories follow the main characters as they discover the amazing time-travel properties of sexual artifacts, where they participate in consensual bondage, same-gender sex, masturbation and much oral sex. This fascinating premise is disappointingly undeveloped and the last story presents an anti-morality message that has the heroine appearing mean-spirited.

—Susan Mobley

Now at FictionWise!

Excerpt: Time Warp

Alex bounced down the stairs and into the kitchen just in time to see the final seconds tick off the oven's timer. Hair and make-up were complete, but she still wore her old fuzzy bathrobe. She'd get dressed as soon as the meal preparations were complete rather than risk a spill on her new outfit. Whistling, she donned the oven mitts and extracted the Bundt pan, carefully lowering it into a shallow bowl of cold water. It hissed momentarily as the change in temperature halted the baking process, and Alex jerked her head to the side to avoid the rising steam.

"It's astounding. Time is fleeting," she sang.

Dan would be home in about an hour, and she still had much to do. Their third anniversary celebration was going to be extra special: traditional, yet new and exciting.

As Alex began to prepare the cake's black icing, the Rocky Horror DVD on the kitchen table caught her eye. Pity that none of the nearby cinemas were playing the classic film at midnight. She recalled the first time she'd laid eyes on Dan as he did the Time Warp in the aisle of the old Warner Theater downtown. Perhaps "love at first sight" was a bit cliché, but in Dan's case, she believed it. Seven years later, her feelings for him had only deepened.

He'd had to extricate himself from his first marriage before they could be together openly, and that took considerable time and energy. It wasn't easy on either of them. Fortunately, the ex-Mrs. Goody-Two-Shoes, Beth, didn't make much of a fuss. Alex despised her graciousness while at the same time appreciating the qualities that made her such a sweet little doormat.

"Madness...takes its toll."

Halloween became "their" holiday. So much so, that they even married at the stroke of midnight on November first after a night of revelry, with the reception preceding, rather than following, the ceremony. Friends loved it. Family thought it way weird. Neither Alex nor Dan cared.

This year, rather than pass out candy to the trick-or-treaters then hit a rowdy costume party, Alex planned a much quieter anniversary celebration at home. A shiver passed through her as she anticipated Dan's surprise. Her outfit alone would shock him to the core. The third was traditionally the leather anniversary, after all.

"But listen closely...not for very much longer..."

Alex spread the thick, black icing over the cake and topped it with a few dozen orange candied spiders. Setting the dessert aside, she turned her attention to the rest of the meal. Nothing fancy, just their favorites. Once everything was ready, she dashed up the stairs to finish her preparations, still singing.

The black leather corset and miniskirt cost a small fortune, but Alex splurged anyway. They'd only ever have one leather anniversary, and she wanted to make sure Dan never forgot it. Even her lace undergarments were trimmed in leather, although red rather than black. She was nothing if not thorough. The matching fingerless opera gloves topped her ensemble, and Alex paused before the mirror only long enough to make sure her décolletage was evenly overflowing.

"I've got to...keep control."

Descending the stairs—slower this time due to the spike-heeled Morgan black Victoriana lace-up leather boots—she saw the splash of headlights across the window as Dan's car pulled into the driveway. With a grin, she lit the black pillar candles on the dining room table and dimmed the lights. She waited until she heard him come in the side door and put his briefcase on the counter before moving toward the kitchen.

Schweet!

Little things often make my day ... like finding this on All Romance eBooks:

And the EPPIE goes to ...

If I don't do this right now, before I pack up the laptop & head for the closing breakfast here at EPICon, it'll be just one of many more things to tackle when I get home this evening ... after a 7 hour drive ... after two previous nights of less than 4 hours' sleep ... after the adrenaline is gone ...

The Pink Banana

Well, we didn't sign many books last night, but we had a good time ... and yours truly dropped a chunk of change on lingerie. *blush*

Shara Lanel posted this pix from the signing on her blog:


That's yours truly in black.

Greetings from EPICon

When I catch my breath, I'll tell you what a rush it is to have Sherrilyn Kenyon ask for your card!

Fantasies I

Phaze Fantasies, Vol. I
by Alessia Brio, Leigh Ellwood, Bridget Midway and Ann Regentin
March, 2007
ISBN 1-59426-556-9

Four tales of erotic fiction by four Phaze favorites! Alessia Brio continues the Costa Rican adventure that launched fine flickering hungers, her 2007 EPPIE Finalist for Best Erotica. Bridget Midway shines with "Service Recall," a tale of relationship rebound done right. Leigh Ellwood opens the door to a magical menagé in "Midnight Passions." And Ann Regentin's "Midnight Conversations" explores the sexual memories of a fixer-upper's past occupants.

Length: Quasar (Anthology - 94,000 words)
Rating: Nova - 5 (Stories include scenes of MMF and MFM sex)

Sexography Reviews ArtiFactual

Carrie White, of Sexography, reviews Artifactual: Tales of the Erotique Mystique:

With the obvious success of the erotic adventures of Bruce and Mandy, Alessia Brio and Will Belegon have really pulled out all the stops to round this collection off perfectly. The newest addition to this series, Closing Arguments, is much longer than the rest but, I feel, is by far the best of the bunch.

Hauntings, erotic, passionate scenes and intrigue are just a few of the treats awaiting you from one of the finest writer collaborations in the Erotic genre.

RT Review of Phaze Fantasies I

Fantasies I will be released on 5 March:

CTR Reviews "Artistically Inclined"

Coffee Time Romance had some really nice things to say about Artistically Inclined:

The first two pages immediately draw you in and hook you. The description of the art and the feeling Cyndi has while painting it are vibrant and colorful. The reader can practically feel the passion she has for her work, and particularly this piece. Bring in the Alpha male and you have a passionate explosion worthy of reading time and time again. This story will definitely not leave you wanting for anything. The sex is exhilarating, but tastefully done at the same time.

New Reviews at FAR

Amanda H. from Fallen Angel Reviews had some really nice things to say about our recent and upcoming releases:

"What a fantastically fun read. San Diego Sunset was definitely not what I expected when I first started reading it; although I should have known it would be amazing with authors Alessia Brio and Will Belegon. Everything these two write together is outstanding. Somehow, they always manage to keep their stories and characters fresh and full of fun."








"Hold onto your seats ladies and gentlemen, we have lift off! What an energetic, engaging, passionate, lust-filled story. Authors Alessia Brio and Will Belegon are amazing together. I loved Cyndi and Kevin. Both of these characters came from bad previous relationships and were willing to do anything to be creative and keep this new relationship on fire. Everything about Artistically Inclined was superb, from the characters and the plot to the hot and heavy sex scenes. I cannot wait to read more from these two amazing authors."

And, with regard to our Mandy & Bruce anthology which contains the previously published stories (Erotique, Switch, and Amichu) plus a brand new story (Closing Arguments) that's longer than the earlier three combined: "If you’re looking for a collection of stories with the same characters throughout with a ton of crazy sex with items you’ve probably never even thought of, then this story is definitely for you. However, I do suggest buying this whole collection instead of each individual book..."

NOTE: Previous FAR reviews of a couple of the stories in ArtiFactual: Erotique and Switch.

Whoop!

We SO rock!

Giggling

Mrs. Giggles reviewed Amichu. I'm not gonna comment about the review itself on this blog. If you wanna read my thoughts, pop on over to MySpace.

Amichu is the latest sexual adventure of Mandy and Bruce (Erotique, Switch). Well, after experiencing their body switch, they've now switched back into their old bodies again for an adventure to Rapa Nui to collect an artefact, a "huamanga carving", for their antique shop Erotique. As you can predict, these two spend most of their journey on their back.

Perhaps it is tough to follow up to a body switch act, but nonetheless Amichu is a disappointing story. The sex scenes are pretty mundane when I'm expecting the authors to at least incorporate some wild conga jungle monkey sex here or there. In fact, the story ends when our boinking twosome reach their destination so the story is less exotic that I'm led to believe. I'm hoping for more erotic jungle fever moments like Ms Brio has offered me in her collection of short stories fine flickering hungers but Amichu, at only 30 pages, is just begging me to ask in a most sarcastic manner, "Why is this short little thing even published in the first place?"

The sex isn't as good as that in the previous book and the story is actually half a story since it ends abruptly as if it's initially meant to be a part of a longer story. I believe these two authors are actually some of the few romantic erotica authors capable of writing erotic stories that actually make me curl my toes so it is a waste if they insist on putting out half-baked stories like Amichu. Why not wait a while to expand the story a little more and then publish it? Maybe Mommy needs new shoes, I suppose. I understand that the authors and Phaze have plans to package all the boinkersome adventures of Paul [sic] and Mandy into one collection. I'd suggest that people wait for that collection to come out instead of paying for something as short and unsatisfyingly truncated as Amichu.

Rating: 51

Promo Flyer

An EPICon Event Announcement

Phaze's Rad 80s Party!

Break out your Jordache jeans, high-top Reeboks and flourescent clothes! Phaze, the erotic imprint of Mundania Press, LLC, is taking you back to the 1980s with their Rad 80s Party complete with food and drinks, a cash bar, a DJ spinning all of the old 80s tunes, and gift baskets and prizes for lucky attendees! The party will be March 10th at 9:30 p.m. directly after the EPPIES awards banquet at the Surfside Inn at 1211 Atlantic Avenue in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Come dressed to impress in your best 80s-era gear. During the party, Phaze will unveil their newest find, the Phaze Phenom, the new face of Phaze. Authors, be ready. Along with the unveiling, Phaze will announce a special contest. Get a jump on the competition by being on the groundfloor when the announcement is made!

So come join the fun. The party is free and open to the public, however conference and/or banquet attendees will have a guaranteed spot in the party. Don't wait! The last day to register for the conference is February 15th, and the last day to purchase tickets to attend just the banquet is February 22nd! For more information on the conference and the hotel, go to http://www.epic-conference.com

Mrs. Giggles Reviews "Artistically Inclined"

I suppose we were due for a spanking from Mrs. Giggles. However, I can't help but be amused by her criticisms of Artistically Inclined:

Do take note that Artistically Inclined was published only a few months ago by Venus Press and the authors have merely switched book publisher after Venus Press starts experiencing perplexing mysterious issues like telephones and emails that never work without making any changes to the story.

In our story, Cyndi is in a relationship with Kevin. She's an artist while he sells sport equipment and all, so this could either end up in pieces or work beautifully to the grand finish. Currently, however, she feels that their sex life has fallen into a rut and, inspired by a sexy work she's been working on for an anonymous client, she decides to spice up things between her and Kevin this Valentine's day. They will exchange a list of five sexual fantasies and if they have any same sexual fantasy in their lists, they'll do that one come Valentine's Day. Boy, this could be asking for trouble, especially if the other person comes up with a list that includes not just his ex-girlfriend or Dakota Fanning but also his mother, the family bulldog, or something he's seen in a Japanese dirty cartoon involving tentacles.

Artistically Inclined is not a bad read at all but I feel that the payoff isn't as good as the build-up. For one, I'm intrigued by the painting Cyndi did since it was supposed to be sexy while at the same time fit for display in, say, a church or in a school. What is it that she ends up painting, I wonder? Also, the story has Cyndi thinking about how she'll only let Kevin do the backdoor thing to her if he's willing to take it backdoor as well or how Karen, Kevin's secretary, has a thing for Cyndi so I'm really looking forward for all kinds of mind-boggling permutations and combinations one can have for two guys and two gals in a bisexual free-for-all. However, the payoff is pretty mundane in comparison to the build-up since the sexual fantasy Kevin and Cyndi opt to carry out doesn't even cover a fraction of such possibility. I won't spoil what they end up doing, but Artistically Inclined doesn't push the envelope as much as it seems to promise me at the start of the story.

Perhaps if this is a longer story it would deliver all the graphic and naughty things it promises to in its set-up, but in its current short length, all it does is to set my expectations high and then leaves me hanging high and dry. That's not a very nice thing to do, I must say.

Rating: 73

Can You Say PRINT?

Buy it HERE.

Let's Do the Time Warp ...

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

My short story Time Warp was selected as one of Phaze's FURY line of HeatSheets. In addition, it will be the first release in Phaze's new UMBRA category.

Release is scheduled for April 9, 2007 which, coincidentally, is my birthday. *grin*

It's February!

With the new month comes new ... ME! *grin*

I have an interview posted at Coffee Time Romance.  (It was supposed to go up in December, but they had some staff issues. I updated the interview for them, but apparently it got misplaced 'cause the version posted still mentions the holidays. *sigh*)

And, I have a new story in this month's issue of Oysters & Chocolate!

The 2006 Preditors & Editors polling ended last night at midnight.  Unofficially, it appears that I finished in the Top 10 in three categories:

Poet
Poem (Tapestry)
... and with Will ...
Short Story (Switch)

Second Coming

I'm delighted to announce the re-release of Artistically Inclined. Will & I opted to move this title to Phaze due to the exceptional promotion & wider distribution it provides.

And stay tuned for its sequel, Bound for Success!

Switch Gets Giggled

Will & I are very pleased with Mrs. Giggles' review of Switch:

Alessia Brio and Will Belegon collaborate on Switch, which is a sequel to Ms Brio's Erotique. The same characters from Erotique are back. Amanda Long and Bruce, whose last name is still a mystery, are back and this time around they are happily having some fun in bed during a thunderstorm when lightning strikes and they find themselves having switched bodies. Which is to say, Mandy is now in Bruce's body while Bruce is in Mandy's body. Under ordinary circumstances, people in this situation may say, "Wait a minute, this is creepy, change things back arou[n]nd please!" But ah, our Mandy and Bruce are no ordinary people. They are soon having fun especially by doing things to the other person and experiencing sex from the perspective of the other gender.

Switch is nothing more than that. It's all sex and more sex. Detailed sex, by the way, from the curve of the penis Mandy sort of borrowed from Bruce at that moment to Bruce's first experience of a female orgasm. A long time ago, the greek philosopher Tiresias lived both as man and woman (not at the same time, of course, because that will be really surreal) and he later insisted to Hera that women experience greater pleasure in sex compared to men. However, in this story both Bruce and Mandy realize that they really like experiencing sex in the other person's body so the fun is very democratic in how it's being distributed to all parties here.

As a very naughty and fun story of an unusual sexual situation involving two romantically-linked people, Switch is a rare story that is confident about its erotic quality that it doesn't try too hard to include orgies and vampiric anal sex in order to live up to its romantic erotica label. Naturally, it succeeds in doing so, which is why this story is pretty cool.

Rating: 80

Enchanted Ramblings Reviews "Artistically Inclined"

WHOOP! Helluva way to start the week!

Audiotalo from Enchanted Ramblings gives Artistically Inclined 5.5 (of 6) magical wands and some terrific praise:

This is easily one of the best contemporary erotic novellas I've read in a long time. What's even more impressive about it is that Cyndi and Kevin are not hot young twenty-somethings, but an attractive middle-aged couple. Both characters are sympathetically and excitingly drawn, with enough details about their workday lives to create a vivid picture in the reader's mind. With sexual tension buzzing throughout, a threesome and some m/m action, this is one hot read. Recommended!

Currently, this title is only available at Venus Press, but we hope to soon move it to Phaze for wider distribution.

Also coming soon, its sequel (entitled Bound for Success).

Enchanted Ramblings Reviews "San Diego Sunset"

Astrea from Enchanted Ramblings had this to say about our Phaze Snuggler San Diego Sunset:

This is a romantic story about what happens when two people are fated to meet. I enjoyed the way it feels as if they could be anyone, even the woman or man next door.

Sketch by the incomparable Patty.

Sensual Reads Reviews "Amichu"

Tee from Sensual Reads & Reviews gives Amichu four roses:

Amichu is an action filled, humorous and delightful story. It is very well written and well researched. The love scenes are very believable and quite steamy. Alessia Brio and Will Belegon work great as a team and each compliment the other very well. If you want to curl up with a quick read by the firelight, then this is the book for you.

An old review ...

I'm not sure what prompted me to follow up on an old review submission, but I'm glad I did. Apparently, the completed review never made it into the print edition of The MENSA Bulletin, but appeared online (where I didn't see it). Anyway, this is Tom Elliot's July 2006 review of fine flickering hungers:

FINE FLICKERING HUNGERS: An anthology of erotic short stories and poetry by Alessia Brio (2005, 147 pp., eBook; publ. Phaze, Cincinnati OH, www.Phaze,com, ISBN 1-59426-540-2). "A collection of 8 erotic short stories with accompanying poetry. Sexual scenarios vary from hetero- to mono- to homosexual to group, with the only common thread being that they seldom (if ever) take place in a bed…The fantasies swirling around in my head reached critical mass. I had to set them free to make room for more. I write to make people feel good about themselves, about their sexuality, and about their passions. Call it ‘erotic altruism’" Definitely a book for bedtime reading, offering an imaginative romp stretching from "Boiling Point" and "Surrogate Sin" to "Topping Love", "Wetter Has Never Been Better", and "Ghouls Just Wanna Have Fun: Learning to Love Halloween". Something for everyone, and literately and lushly written besides. Hot, hot, hot - don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

TRS Reviews "Switch"

The Romance Studio gives Switch, our Phaze Surge HeatSheet, four hearts:

Switch provided me with a short, extremely erotic and gratifying read! Amanda and Bruce are fun, light hearted characters who find themselves in an extraordinary situation. I just loved the experience of watching Amanda learn what it means for a man to experience sexual arousal. She found out that she, in a man's body, had to control her strength. Brad (sic) learned that his new body was intensely sensitive in odd (to him) places. I did have some difficulty with the easiness with which each of them adjusted and went right back to sex. It seems that Amanda and Bruce have been in other stories together and I will enjoy looking for them.

Sensuality rating: Explicit

Reviewer: Marcy Arbitman
January 16, 2007

How Did I End Up On The Cover Of This Romance Novel?

This classic from The Onion is worth reposting ...

December 13, 2006 | Issue 42•50

Last week at the supermarket, while shopping for my weekly supply of three dozen eggs and 12 pounds of mutton, I spotted a rack near the checkout lane containing several romance paperbacks. Normally, such trash wouldn't get a second glance from my coal-black eyes, but the sight of one book practically made my chiseled jaw drop. There, on the cover of Dark Passions was yours truly, Duncan Larksthrush, in the flesh.

At first I thought it must have been a coincidence. There must be thousands of men with huge, glistening pectorals and shoulder-length golden hair whose steadfast gaze betrays immeasurable fathoms of passion.

But there can be no doubt it was me. The cover artist must have followed me during a recent visit to my ancestral estate on the tempest-swept promontories of Northern Scotland. Judging from the picture, the sketch was based on the occasion in which I chanced upon Arden, the crofter's nubile young daughter, kneeling upon a rocky outcropping and picking some wildflowers from the weathered stone. Even though I had only just finished tilling seven acres of firm earth, I knew at once my broad, thewy arms could take her. "You rogue! I shall not allow this offense against my honor!" she cried out, her titian hair uncoiling in the Caledonian wind. As I dipped her low, her pounding heart betrayed her pleas for her chastity, and my turgid manhood would be denied no longer.

That bastard must have been hiding with a sketchbook in the bushes.

You can understand my smoldering rage. I certainly don't recall agreeing to have my well-hewn physique splashed across every newsstand and bookrack in town. Admittedly, my schedule has been full lately—I purchased a new leather arm cuff, reclined on an empty beach in my tattered sheepskin boots and full riding gear, waxed and re-oiled my chest—however, posing for the cover painting of Dark Passions definitely was not on my list. But apparently, a rugged, flat-stomached man's privacy means little to author Stephanie Blackmoore when it comes to the pursuit of profit.

I just hope no one I know sees it. The other blacksmiths would never let me live this down.

Nor can I imagine what would possess someone to depict such a scene. I was certainly far from respectably kempt: Having just finished reaping oats with my scythe, my white, blousy tunic was dirty and tattered. It was practically torn from my shoulders, and the striated muscles of my bronzed torso were exposed for anyone to see. And my errant tresses had slipped out of their leathern knot and clove to my cheek with the dewy sweat of a full day's labor. Blazes! Had I known I would be fronting a bestseller, I would have taken a shower and put on my nice red shirt, and maybe a tie.

I never asked for this. The life I chose to lead is one of solitude, whether I'm building log cabins in the foggy Ozarks, or tending to my vineyards in the Tuscan countryside. But those blissful days of rugged independence seem to be over. Will I ever again be able to collapse wounded into the arms of a busty field nurse during my town's annual Civil War reenactment without becoming the poster boy for the next vulgar potboiler?

Can't a brawny, brooding man ride his stallion slowly through the fresh-smelling air of a misty forest at dawn and think ruefully back to his tender childhood that seems to him now to exist in another world entirely—without having to constantly look over his perfectly sculpted shoulders?

No, this is no way for a free and unfettered man with a small fortune inherited from a distant noble relative to live. Therefore, I have decided to weigh anchor and set sail with my crew of strapping young seamen aboard my sloop, The Moonlight Arrow, toward destinations exotic and unknown. Once at sea, as the suzerain's daughter I have shanghaied from our last port-of-call clings hungrily to my abdomen, her honeyed breath playing about my breast, I will gaze stoically at the horizon from the prow of my ship, where none of those frauds at Harlequin/Silhouette would ever care to find me.


© Copyright 2006, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.

It's That Time Again

Time for the annual Preditors & Editors Readers' Polls. Yours truly is nominated in several categories:

Author published in 2006
Poet published in 2006
Short Story (all other genre) published in 2006
Print/Electronic Book Editor
Poem published in 2006
Other nominations include my favorite forum (Literotica Authors Hangout) ...

Writers Discussion Forum
and, my publisher (Phaze) ...

Print/Electronic Books Publisher
So, what are you waiting for? GO VOTE!

TANSTAAFL

Heinlein fans will recognize the acronym for there ain't no such thing as a free lunch. There is, however, such thing as a free story!

Today my primary publisher, Phaze, unveiled its Flare promotion. Free fiction! No purchase necessary. Just visit the Phaze Flares page and add the desired titles to your shopping cart.

This week's titles include my & Will's very first collaboration: Bleep! Download it FREE today!

RRT Erotic Reviews "Artistically Inclined"

Terrie Figueroa from Romance Reviews Today (RRT) Erotic gives our Venus Press debut a "Multiple O’s" rating!

"Public sex, ménage à trois -- what will this intrepid pair dare?

"Sexual tension starts on page one and the consummation is incendiary!"

Read the entire review HERE. (You'll have to scroll down a bit.) Buy the book HERE.

Ho! Ho! Holiday eBook Sales!

Last minute shopping got you down? I have the perfect solution for the avid readers on your list! FictionWise, the industry leader in eBook sales, is having a fantasic end-of-year sale:

Now through December 31, every MultiFormat eBook is discounted 20% and every Secure eBook receives a 20% Micropay rebate. These discounts also apply when you use the "Buy this eBook for a friend!" button, which is located right below the "Add to Cart" button on every eBook description page. These are just like gift certificates -- you can email them now to your friends and family or send the gift letter to yourself to deliver on Christmas. Buywise [15%] discounts combine with these sale prices....

But wait ... THERE'S MORE! *grin*

On Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, Phaze is offering a whopping 50% discount store-wide using the code SANTA50. (That's, like, HALF OFF!) And, if you miss that sale, you can still catch the 25% discount from December 26th-30th using the code SANTA25.

There are no lines, no sales tax, and no waiting for UPS to deliver! You can bliss out with a hot read RIGHT NOW. So ... what are you waiting for? GO SHOP!

Happiest of holidays to you & yours, and all the best for 2007!

peace & passion,

~ Alessia